Why I'll never sleep in the mall for a phone.

Last spring I was having a conversation with a co-worker that somehow ended up on cars.  She shared that she once dated a guy who drove a pristine BMW and she was impressed...until she saw where he lived.  His apartment was a dump.  Poorly maintained, dirty, stuff everywhere.  She was shocked as she assumed he would live in a really nice place given the maintainance of his car.  I made a comment about people putting their value in different things.  This guy obviously put a lot of value into his car; it was important to him.  Where he lived was obviously less important.  Either way, my co-worker didn't keep seeing him because it was clear that her values didn't match up with his.

I had forgotten about that conversation until just recently.  Until I posted this on Facebook actually.

For the life of me I cannot understand why anyone would want to sleep overnight in a mall for a phone.  This seems utterly absurd to me.  Being that I try to be as open-minded as possible (judgment free, amiright?) I gave some thought to what I would sleep overnight for.  My BFF Carolyn and her husband sleep overnight at a bank to lock in a 30-year, 3% interest rate mortgage when they moved back to Connecticut.  That seems worthy of lost sleep.  I would sleep overnight for that.  I would lose sleep for anything that meant a better life for my kids.  And have if you count that one time Lovey woke up hyperventilating and we rushed to the ED at 2:00 in the morning.  I would sleep overnight for a cause that was important to me.  While I didn't sleep outside, I do remember waking up in the wee hours of the  morning to take a bus to DC with my parents when I was in high school to march for reproductive rights for women.

But a phone?  It doesn't add up.  If you put your value into a BMW or the latest technology I guess I can't stop you.  It just makes me question your priorities.  Mostly, it makes me question if I have anything in common with you.  While I bought my car new 5 years ago it hardly looks it now.  It's covered in dents and scratches and high mileage indicating I value the people in it more than the car itself.  My phone is an iPhone, but it's a 4s.  That's like 4 models old if you're curious.  The sound stopped working a few months ago and you can only hear on it if the earbuds are in.  How convenient.  Whatever, it's still functional.

The whole phone thing made me think about what people would assume I valued if they saw me in real life or on social media.  My current Facebook profile picture is of me running.  I value hard work, determination, and health.  I quit my job to be home with my kids.  I value family.  I am an active participant at my church.  I value my faith and my faith community.  I love my neighbors and the community of love and support we have built in our town.  I value friendship.

Take a minute to reflect on what your outward image says about what's important to you?  Does the image you project accurately reflect who you want people to see?  If it doesn't, maybe you should put down that fancy new phone you slept in the mall to get.

On Kindergarten: a letter to Lovey

My sweet girl,

I'm not a baby book mom.  Sure I chronicled the first year of your life and your major milestones, but it wasn't over the top or scrap-booky, that's just not my style.  Daddy and I try our best to jot down the little moments of our days with you and Kitten so that we'll remember them, because the truth is no matter how much we think we will, without a written history we won't.  Which is why I feel compelled to mark the historical event that happened in your life yesterday with a letter to you.  To you it was exciting and fun, to me it seemed liked the end of the world and a whole new beginning all wrapped up in one.

Yesterday after returning home from our two days of family adventure in Boston I checked the mail and found the Kindergarten Orientation invitation.  And my heart stopped.  You were so excited you wanted me to read the whole thing to you, even the boring details about birth certificates and medical forms.  You started talking about getting to spend all day at school and ride the bus with your friends.  And my heart stopped a little more.

How did we get to this place so fast?  I joke with you all the time that I don't want you to grow up, you're getting so big.  Of course that's not true, but every once in a while I'd like to stop time right where we are because even the bad days are so good.  I love you and your sister so much that sometimes I think my heart will explode.  I look at you both and Daddy and know without a doubt I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  That letter is a reminder of just how far we've come but also where we're going.

You have grown a lot this past year.  Where once there was a baby who we were told might never learn to crawl (even after 6 months of PT) is now a girl who loves gymnastics and jumps high enough on the trampoline to make me wish we had higher ceilings.  Where once there was a shy girl who held onto me for dear life for the first hour of a party is now a girl who bounds into a party of mostly strangers and joins in the fun.  Where once there was the chubby cheeks and rounded belly of a baby there is now a long and lean body of a little girl.  It all goes so fast.

You are ready to take on Kindergarten.  I see you reading to your sister when you think no one is looking.  You say you can't read, that you don't know the words, but you do.  Your little mind works a million miles a minute and at least once a day you tell me an interesting fact that you learned, that I didn't know.   I can't wait to see all the amazing things you discover about the world and yourself when you start school full time. As educators Daddy and I couldn't be happier and prouder that you have a love of learning like we do.  We are blessed that you have had amazing teachers the past two years that have helped you nurture that gift.  You love sharing your learning with others too.  You get so excited when one of your classmates learns something new that had been a struggle. 

Even though you are ready for Kindergarten I was can't help feeling like you are on the cusp of the rest of your life.   Soon you will be five, and before we know it 10, 15, 20.  If I close my eyes I can see it all flash before me and then you're gone.  Off to live your own life, without me.  That will be my proudest moment as a mom.  That I held you up to grow into the beuatiful, confident, smart, caring woman I can see already. 

When you go a little piece of me will always go with you.  And so it begins with Kindergarten.  A little piece of my heart breaks now and with every step towards independence you take so that when you are ready to go your own way, there is enough of me that goes with you.  Go my sweet angel.  Whether I am ready or not.  I will be with you every step of the way.  And with each step my heart will stop a little more.

In support of Honey.

I had the pleasure of being a guest blogger on www.ctworkingmoms.com, a blog made up of some fabulous women. If you haven't read the post you can go read it now, I'll wait.

Did it make you laugh? Good, that was my goal. But another unexpected by-product of my post was Honey's reaction to it. He was offended because it made him feel like other people would perceive him badly. That wasn't my intent. In fact, I work pretty hard to boast about him rather than be quick to put him down as is so easy to do among frazzled girlfriends.  So anyway, we patched things up and went out to dinner and a movie to see This is 40. Such a good movie. Hilarious. And scarily realistic. It brought up a lot of feelings for both of us good and bad. The overarching message was that even though we struggle through life, we do it together, and that makes it worth it. I've waxed poetic before about my love for Honey on this blog, but now it's time to sing his praises. Here are just a few of the reasons why Honey is an awesome husband and father.

• He wakes up at 5 Monday through Friday so that he can have just a few minutes of piece in the day.  He also goes to work at 6:30 so that he can be home early enough to hang with us.  Yet, he still often puts in 10 hour days. 
• He was extremely supportive when I got the crazy idea to be a SAHM for a year and a half, and is in full support of me walking away from my "real" job, someday, when money grows on trees.
• He is offended when people say that he "watches the kids" and very carefully corrects them to say that he is actually parenting his children.  And he's good at it.  Kitten calls his name like it's a carnival ride and most recently has taken to asking for him all.day.long if he isn't in her field of vision.  He and Lovey have lots of little routines and things that are just for them and God forbid if I try to jump in on them.
• He takes out the trash, shovels snow, sets and removes mouse traps, cleans gutters, mows lawns and all the other mundane crap that I consider beneath me.
• He grocery shops.  As in-does all the weekly family shoppping.  With a least one child, often two, every week.  I haven't been to the grocery store for weekly shopping in years. 
• He plays dolls, ponies, and dress up with gusto and has fully embraced the overwhelming presence of pink in his life.  On the flip side, he takes every opportunity to teach the girls about football and baseball and all things gross and science-y.
• He wrote a letter to Lovey's first teacher thanking her for instilling in her the love of learning.  It was one of the most beautiful things a teacher could get from another teacher. 
• He gets me. Put in another way: he sees my flaws and still wants to wake up next to me.
• He never lets a day go by without telling me, or our girls, how much he loves us and that we are beautiful.

Like most things, I've procrastinated on writing this post, which is somewhat fateful because Thursday is the anniversary of our first date.  Although it wasn't a date, more like two old acquaintances (one who had a HUGE crush on the other) getting together for drinks.  Someday I'll tell you the rest of the story.  But for know I want to say, Honey-if you're reading this, I think you're awesome.  Thank you for making the ride fun. 

As for everyone else, now is your chance to sing the praises of your partner in crime.  What do they do that you'd like to thank them for, but probably never have?

Some thoughts on mental illness

News flash:  I just overreacted to something I saw on the Internet.  (If you know me, or are one of the two people who read this blog that will not come as a shock to you.). Moving on.

A few days ago I started following a blogger that I like on Pinterest.  Don't get me started on how addictive Pinterest is, that's a story for another time.  In any case today he posted something that really irked me.  And rather than be the cool, calm, collected self I strive to be, I reacted.  I posted a comment in response to the pin.  Wrong Cora.  Bad move.  Well, let's just say I created a stir and had lots of strangers on the Internet yelling at me.  This really shouldn't bother me at all.  But it totally did.  All day long.  Why, you ask?

The pin that caused the stir was the phrase "I hate my bipolar disorder; it's awesome!" with this :(: emoticon.  My initial reaction was that's funny (in a not really funny but I got the bad joke sorta way).  But then I got mad.  This blogger is pretty well known and respected for his good taste and style.  And he carries his Christian values around like his favorite briefcase.  The "joke" was in bad taste and certainly not Christian.  And I said as much.  On the Internet.  To strangers.  (yeah, yeah in hindsight a bad idea)  Lots of people came to his defense saying that they either had a bipolar disorder or loved someone who did and they found the humor in the comment.  We are all entitled to our own opinions I guess.

As I stewed throughout the day I had these thoughts:
- Someone who is a "public figure" I feel has a obligation to not perpetuate a stigma around mental illness.  Making light of bipolar disorder in my opinion is doing just that. 
- There are many public figures who would not find that statement funny in the least.  Jesse Jackson Jr. is working very hard to be a stable, functioning adult with bipolar disorder right now.  I certainly don't think he would describe his stay at the Mayo Clinic as awesome.
- We as a society have a long history of joking about that which we do not understand.  People of other races, genders, sexual orientations, religions have been the butt of jokes for years.  Thankfully it seems it is now socially inappropriate to mock such things, but yet it's okay to make fun of mental illness.  Something seems amiss to me on that logic.  Am I wrong?
- The "It Gets Better" campaign was started to encourage teens questioning their sexual orientation to push through the teasing and bullying.  However, we can still tease someone about their mental illness.  Again, doesn't add up.
- Over the past year, I have developed a much stronger connection to my Christian faith.  If that's not your thing, that's fine.  As a result I've worked very hard to not be a hypocritical Christian.  Meaning simply: I try to walk the walk.  This blogger is also a self-described Christian.  Christian values would dictate that you treat everyone with respect and dignity.  Poking fun at someone's illness?  Not Christian.

As I've been writing this I've been struggling with whether or not I overreacted.  I really don't know anymore.  I obviously should have kept my mouth shut on Pinterest and not said anything because it did no good.  I'm curious where other people stand on this.  Is it OK to joke about one's own experiences if it sends the wrong message to others?

Things I learned as a stay at home mom.

Summer is here and while that means outdoor concerts, playing in the pool, ice cream for dinner, and all things wonderful it also means that my time at home with the girls full time is coming to an end. At the end of August I will return to my "real" job as a school psychologist.

 People have asked me if I'm looking forward to going back to work. The short answer: no. I will enjoy having mostly uninterrupted adult conversation, drinking coffee that is still warm, peeing without someone standing outside the door or crying (or both), and having a commute to work. But I won't enjoy going to work.

 For the last 15 months I have been blessed to have the most difficult job in the world. Full time mom. It has been a gratifying, humbling, life changing experience in ways I couldn't possibly imagine. I wish every mother could have the opportunity I had. I guarantee it would teach you every day over and over again.

 I have learned about my children. How they tick. What helps them thrive, what drags them down. How uniquely individual they are. I have learned about my relationship with my husband. We are a great team. He understands better than I understand myself sometimes. He understood how important this year was to me and to us as a family and worked to make it happen and still got home early enough to be a part of our daily routine. This year and a half has also taught me a lot about myself. I joked before I started this adventure that I was taking a year off to find out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well, I figured that out. And so much more.

 In no particular order, here's some of what I learned.
 - I hate dishes in the sink and toys on the floor.
- Coffee reheated in the microwave just isn't as good.
 - I am a great mom, most days. The other days I'm just getting by.
 - As women, we don't support each other nearly as much as we should. If you have a girlfriend in your life that supports you, hold onto her.
-I need a bit of solitude in every day to feel like a normal person.
- I enjoy baking more than coking; that used to be the other way around.
 - I have more patience than I thought I had. Especially when reacting to tantruming 3 year olds.
 - I need physical exercise in my weekly routine to not feel like a crazy person. 
- Priorities change, and that's a good thing. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would rather be at home with my babies than continue my career path I'd have thought you were nuts. But hey, life happens.
 - At my core, at the very center of who I am, I am a writer. NOT a school psychologist.
 - Nothing. I repeat, nothing is more important to me than knowing that I have raised compassionate, caring, respectful, successful children. The highest compliment anyone can pay me is to say I have great kids.

Set backs.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -Serenity Prayer Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Every challenge is an opportunity. What would be the point of living if it didn't change us? (one of my favorite Downton Abbey quotes) All of us on a daily basis have the opportunity to move forward, backward or stay put. -Rob Lowe "Stories I Only Tell my Friends" I could go on and on with these motivational sayings after a setback, but I think you get the point. I've had a few setbacks recently. With the house, with my job, with my personal goals. If I wasn't a stronger person I would seriously start questioning a lot about myself. But I know myself well enough to know that after a day or two (ok, maybe 3 or 4) of the personal pity party and dust myself off and pick myself up (another cliche, sorry). As frustrating as it is that in the last six months I've been told: your house won't sell unless you sink more money into it, you've been "reassigned" to a new school but we won't tell you why, and you are motivated to focus on you but life will get in the way (again); I have tried to take every opportunity in stride and not let it get me down. But I'll admit, it's hard. Really hard. Until I learn how to accept change gracefully (grace has never been one of my strong suits) I'll just have to keep getting back on my horse and riding. Another cliche, sorry.

What Not to Wear, unless you're a mom.

Here's a little glimpse into my life. Kitten still isn't consistently sleeping through the night and was up for two hours last night. I woke up with both Lovey and Kitten at 6:20 on about 4 or 5 hours sleep. Like most mornings of this nature Lovey and Kitten were very demanding of my time and Honey was put the door to work by 6:30. We layer in my bed and the girls had milk while I tried to sleep. Lovey had other ideas and either sang or talked the entire time. Kitten finished her milk and leaned over to try to grab Lovey's glasses.

I finally give up and take them both downstairs. In the next two hours I have to: make coffee, drink coffee (hopefully and hopefully still warm), feed three people, pack a snack and a backpack, dress three people, force one person to eat and pee and get her hair brushed while trying to remain calm and simultaneously bribe her with TV shows. Whilst this forcing occurs a little person with a new found love of practicing her bite is whining at my leg begging to be picked up so she can sink her chompers into my shoulder.

When mornings are like this something's gotta give. And I will be damned if it's me. So these are the days the following attire is required: unwashed ponytail, baggy yoga pants, a stained, ripped hoodie, and slip on sneakers. I have no time for anything else on these days. These are the days I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth. And yes I wear this attire to school drop off and occasionally to the grocery store. Gasp.

I have been a fan of Stacy and Clinton's work for years. I love What Not to Wear and have learned a lot about my style in the process. I have learned that the above attire is strictly forbidden in public. They very often go straight for the fuzzy fleece garments and throw them directly into the trash. They abhore the word "comfortable". They find practical sneaker unsightly. They call comfort clothes "giving up". (I call it survival.) I get it. Not attractive or stylish. Not for public viewing. Honestly, I'd be shocked if Stacy or Clinton wore sweats in private. I picture them lounging on the couch in sheath dresses and seersucker suits. But I'm pretty sure neither Stacy nor Clinton has children, or watches said non-existent children full-time. Or has children and has to go off to work after a morning like that. Therefore, as the saying goes, they "just don't get it".

So to all you mommies out there, whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom who has ever had a morning like this, fear not. I give you permission to get through the day however you can and if it means dressing like a schlub, so be it. If Stacy and Clinton don't like it they can kiss my yoga pant covered ass.