Flying solo.

I'm playing hooky today. For the first time in a long time ("so long ago I can't remember when" to borrow a line from Jakob Dylan) I am in my house, by myself. That's right, no kid, no husband, just me. It's heaven. I actually pretended to go to work today just to throw Lovey off. I got up, got dressed (no shower though), made coffee, ate breakfast, and even went so far as to put my school bag in the car along with her to take her to school. All so that she wouldn't know I was home. She's had a rally cry of "No mommy work" for a few weeks now, so I definitely didn't want her to get any ideas.

I took the day off not because I'm sick, but because I'm exhausted. Truth be told, I'm cooking another person right now. The new bambino should arrive sometime around mid-April and he/she has been making me very tired. I just needed a day to relax, so I took it. Besides baby cooking, I'm also a full-time mom, a full-time wife, a full-time educator, and a full-time keeper of the house. It's a full-time plate. It's inevitable that at one point or another something will not get done, or not get done well. To be honest, at this point I'm so tired that I don't feel like anything is getting done well. My house is a mess, my kid has been watching too much TV lately, my poor husband definitely feels neglected, and my work ethic has reached an all time low. That could be because I hate my current position, but more on that another time. I was hoping a battery recharge would get me back on track.

Driving back home after dropping Lovey off, I was thinking about how my life would be different if it was just me. No husband, no kid. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. So much so, that sometimes it seems like a fairy tale. After all, Honey was one of the biggest crushes I've ever had and I got to marry him. And then we made a beautiful baby (make that two). How lucky can one girl get? But I'm sure I'm not the only woman who questions what life would be like if it all went away. I fantasize about other jobs: chef, writer, blogger, anything other than the mundane day to day. In the car my current "new life" fantasy was about driving cross country and stopping for small jobs to earn cash and meeting new people and making new friends.

And then I realized, it's just another sign telling me that I need to work harder to make me a priority. It seems to be the resounding theme of this blog, maybe I should've called it "Me Time". But you know what? This is the life I chose. This is the life I know I wanted. This is just one path down a very long journey. Right now the focus isn't on me, and it shouldn't be. It should be on my kid(s) and my husband, and my home. Less so on my job, but that's just a means to an end. Soon enough, I'll have independent kids who say things like "Mom, why are you always here?" instead of "No mommy work" and I'll have time to focus on me again. Or at least more time to clean the house. In the meantime, I'll have to remember to pretend to go to work every now and again to get the house to myself.

Husband bashing.

Last week, my girls and I met for book club to review The Memory of Running by McLarty. (I can't remember his first name). The book was OK, not the best one we've read, that would be The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Book club usually consists of an hour and 45 minutes of chatter and 15 minutes of actually talking about books. It's great. Of the six of us, four of us are moms. The oldest child int he group is 7. Suffice it to say, reading doesn't really get done unless there's a reason, hence why Amy started the book club in the first place. (Sidenote: Amy has yet to finish a single book we've read, including the one she reccomended.)

In any case, invariably our conversation always veers to our husbands. Before I go where I'm going I will say that I absolutely adore Honey. He is my favorite person in all the world. Nonetheless, he's a guy. Guys, like ladies, have their own unique flaws. Most of these flaws drive us wives crazy. Totally insane. Like when they ask us if the dishwasher is clean or dirty. Argh! Or when one of my friend's husband asks where anything in the house is, even thought they've lived there for two years! Argh! Last week at book club, we spent a lot of time bashing our husbands for their flaws. Which apparently is something that husbands don't do. Really, have you ever seen a bunch of guys around a water cooler, bitching about their wives? Nope, doesn't happen. But we got it out of our systems and then talked about books. On the drive home, and in bed that night, I regretted my bashing. Like I said before, I adore Honey. He doesn't deserve it, and I don't think it's fair to him when in all reality he's a damn good husband and father and we have a fairly equal partnership. So I'm going to stop. From now on, when the convo turns to "Can you believe what my [insert expletive here] husband did?" I will not partake. And you know what? As a result, I've communicated to Honey what I need from him more. How can he stop doing what drives me crazy if he doens't know it drives me crazy?

I think all wives should think about doing the same. It's my challenge to you all.

And for the record: I usually have no clue if the diswasher is clean or dirty.

What can I say, it's summer?

I think I should just start bulleting my blog so that I can actually post more often. Nah, that's not as fun. But...I am vowing now to say that I am going to stop apologizing to my lack of blog updates. I have a life, I have a job, and a husband, and a daughter, so that means the blog is way down the list of priorities. But's it's something that's important to me, so I'll try. But I won't apologize.

Cue U2.

It's a beautiful day!

That's all I have in my head right now.

It is another gorgeous day here in CT and I fully intend to enjoy it. No more computer for me today. I think Lovey has a trip to the park in her future.

Peace out homies.

Are you there blogosphere, it's me, Cora?

I am automatically in love with anyone who caught my reference to Judy Blume. Wasn't she just the best for all us girls who grew up in the 80s? An adult who actually got it? I digress.

To say it's been awhile is an understatement. And an inrony given my last post was about being deep in the motherhood. Ok, everyone has goals, doesn't mean we always meet them. But I try. And now that school is out, I'll try again. But I make no promises. That would just be setting myself up for failure.

I know I have one subscriber out there that isn't my husband. I actually have no idea who you are, but if you'd identify yourself (and accept my apology for my absence) I'd be grateful. It might actually help me write more if I knew I had an "audience". Oops, I digressed again. I'm always doing that.

There's been a lot going on around these parts lately. Most importantly the clan gave up gluten. Huh? Say what? Back in April I got diagnosed with a gluten allergy and we all decided to give it up. The results? I was drug free in allergy season for the first time in 15 years. I have more energy, no ecexema, and an undying craving for all things chocolate chip cookie. Honey's adult acne is gone, and Lovey's itch till she bled ecexema is gone. I repeat, gone. After a week of not eating gluten. So clearly we were all unknowingly putting something in our bodies that didn't make us feel very good. Being gluten free has been challenging and much more expensive, but also totally worth it. One of my many summer goals is to start another blog all about this experience and complete with recipes and product reviews. (I know, my one reader thinks I'm crazy. "She can barely keep up with one, now she's gonna have two?) But I try, I just make no promises. Look for a link to the new one later this week.

Deep Into Motherhood

Before I start my story I have a confession to make. My story won't make sense unless I confess. I am a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers. I actually worked for WW for about 9 months. Although I am not currently at my goal weight, I will say that the program works. I've seen so many people (myself included) find success through the WW program.

Alright, now onto my story.

The phrase "deep into motherhood" was said by my wonderful WW leader, Cindy F., on her last day as leader. She was sharing that when she became a WW leader she was deep into motherhood and needed an outlet-desperately. WW became her source of outlet, her circle of friends, her support system. Her words jumped out at me like a skydiver jumping out of a plane. I was "deep into motherhood". As hard as I tried, I couldn't shake the fact that I put my kid, my husband, my house, and my job, before myself. It was starting to drive me insane. Cindy saying that was like a wake up call. I had just started working for CAbi at that point and although I didn't see it as an outlet for my mommy-deepness, it quickly became so. CAbi has helped and so has making myself more of a priority. I've gone out with friends more, I've left Lovie home with Honey more, I ever joined a book club. Which also forces me to read. Something I did pre-kid but largely abandoned post-kid.

Getting out of the depths of motherhood is why I so enjoyed reading the book Lift, by Kelly Corrigan. I stumbled across it about a month ago when I had a rare morning to myself while my Toyota was getting the recall fix [isn't that just a story for anohter time]. I meandered around Borders like I was single and childless (translation: heaven) and found the book. Kelly Corrigan is a cancer survivor and mother of two. She is well-known for her website www.circusofcancer.com. I picked up the book because I liked the first page, which is always my test of a book.

Believe me when I tell you if you are a mother, run, don't walk to get this book. It spoke to me on so many levels. It was funny, it was heartfelt, it was truth. Any mother could've written this book about their own experiences, and I'm so glad Kelly did. The best part is it was obviously written by someone who knows that moms have no time on their hands because it's only 80ish pages long. Check it out and let me know what you think.

All the ladies in the club put your hands up!

Honey has been trying to teach Lovey to do a fist pump since she was old enough to stand up on her own two feet. Well folks, this week, she got it! He asked her for the usual high five which she happily granted and then he asked her to pound it. She put her little hand into what could only loosely be called a fist and touched Honey's fist. All with a big smile. Clearly one of Honey's proudest Daddy moments.

My proud Mommy moment came shortly thereafter. Honey spontaneously said to Lovey, "Raise your hand if you're beautiful!" and both of Lovey's arms shot up into the air. It was so wonderful I could've cried. Now this is a daily routine: high five, fist pump, and raise your hand if you're beautiful. I wonder if Honey knows that he is giving our daughter something so few women have, pride and self-worth, in this small little gimmic. I plan to enjoy every minute of it, and raise my hand every chance I get. Who's with me?

Spring Healing.

As March draws to a close, I have been thinking back on the month and realizing that a lot of it has been about healing and repair. Not cleaning and repair as is typical. (Yeah, I need to do that, too.)

March is Honey's birthday month, and also his mom's birthday month. Their birthdays are actually 2 days apart. This has made celebrating his birthday the last two years a bit difficult. March also signifies the start of spring. Coincidentally, Honey's mom was born on the first day of spring. Which begs the question: Is that why she has always loved flowers? It's a chicken/egg thing I guess. The start of spring makes me miss her. Even though like most mother in-laws she had her moments, she was still a generous, out-going, effervescent person who had an amazing gift of bringing people together. Perhaps that's why the Friends of Elizabeth Park dedicated a plaque in her honor last May that coincidentally was put in place quietly a few weeks ago. (Did I mention that I believe fully that in life there are no coincidences and that everything happens for a reason?) Honey has some pictures on his blog if you're interested in taking a look.

Thank you Donna for bringing your beautiful boy into the world and sharing your youthful exuberance and love of the outdoors with him so he could share it with me. We love you and miss you.

Sunny Day...

Sweeping the clouds away...

The sun is out! This makes me very happy because the East Coast has been dealing with an angry mother nature for a few days now. Thankfully my little bubble of the world was spared major damage, but some other bubbles were not so lucky. But rain is yucky, I hate it. I'm much happier on a sunny day. Even though it means allergy season is fast approaching, I'm looking forward to the start of spring and more sunny days.

A Day in the Life of a Working Mom.

This morning I read a blog entry about a Day in the Life of a SAHM (sorry I don't remember who it was). I thought, hmm...I could to that. Only I'm not a stay at home mom. But I think the life of a working mom is just as interesting, if not more.

5effing:00: Honey's alarm goes off because he intends to work out.
5effing:05: Having gotten up to pee, Honey returns to bed, deciding to save the workout for another day.
5:45: Honey gets up and showers.
6:05: Freshly showered and soapy smelling Honey wakes me up with a kiss. (If it weren't for coffee-see below-this would be the best part of my morning)
6:08: Grumpily roll arse out of bed and head to shower.
6:11: Shower begins to run out of hot water, begin to rinse conditioner out of hair faster.
6:13: Hot water turns to cool water, abandon hair rinse, leave shower more grumpily than when entered.
6:15: Haphazardly dress in work appropriate clothes, some of which may or may not have been picked out of a pile on top of the dresser.
6:30: Down stairs to turn on coffee and stare blankly at the maker until the hot caffeine is ready to be poured. Savor sweet coffee love. (Ahh...grump subsides)
7:00: Lovey begins rattling the cage to signify her waking. She then begins to cry "MAMA!!!"
7:15: Wrestle Lovey into her clothes and brush her hair, while she screams "No! No!" and runs away while bribing her with Cheerios and Handy Mandy. On the way out the door Lovey chants until I give her a granola bar, which she happily chows in the backseat of the car.
7:45: Drop off at daycare. Lovey quickly runs off to play with her friends and gives me a casual, nonchalant wave as I leave.
8-3:40: Attempt to make myself useful at work. Check email, blogs, plan summer vacation, talk to friends, see some kids, write a report, teach gym class.
3:40: Attend staff meeting, the highlight of which is my principal reading us a picture book about test taking.
5:15: Home to dinner with Honey, Lovey, and Father in-law. Play with Lovey.
7:00: Put Loveyto bed, spend 5 minutes talking to Honey after Father in-law leaves, spend the next two hours plopped in front of the computer "doing work".
9:30ish: To bed, where Honey falls into a deep sleep, snoring included, in 30 seconds. I eventually fall into dreamland just in time to start it all over again at 5effing o'clock.

If life were a fairy tale.

If my life were a fairy tale and not real things would be much different.

-I would have put an offer on the house I saw yesterday and I wouldn't have to worry about things like paint, and drywall, and mortgage rates, and real estate comissions. Actually, if life were a fairy tale, I wouldn't have to pay for it at all, I'd just move in.

-I would be able to stay at home with my beautiful baby and not sit at this stupid desk typing out this blog when I should be working.

-I wouldn't have to worry about what my job will look like next year, or what school I'll be working in, or how much money I'll be making. In fantasyland, money grows on trees.

-I would be the weight I wanted without having to do things like diet or exercise.

-Honey would look like Taye Diggs, but still have Honey's personality.

-I was about to insert something about my parents being reliable and free of flaws and demons, but parents are always screwed up in fairy tales, so that part has to stay the same.

Alas, I don't live in fantasyland, or even on fantasy island (The plane! The plane!). Instead I live in my normal everyday life. Which if I sit back and think about it, is pretty good. I have a wonderful family (parents included) who have flaws like everyone else, but who love me everyday and support my every move. I have a job (even if some days I hate it) and a house that I can afford (because of the job I hate). I am well aware of the fact that there are people around me that have far less and need far more. I think instead of living in a fairy tale, I should live in my life, go leave fairy tales to Tim Burton or Walt Disney.

Baby fever.

I've got the fever. In a bad way. Recently many of my friends have had babies. Some have been firsts and some have been seconds. I want one. My uterus is hurting just thinking about it. Deb, and Julie, and Kate, and Jacqueline-I blame you. You have all had such beautiful baby girls (Kate actually had two!) in the last few months that I am on squishy baby overload. And I want one of my own. Now.

I know Honey and I have a plan for when Lovie will be graced with a sibling but right now I'd like to throw that plan out the window, throw caution to the wind, and throw myself at Honey in wild-baby-making-abandon. It makes me wonder why we have a plan in the first place. We had a plan the first go round and it didn't work out exactly. It took us many tries, and lots of tears, to make the Lovie. I'm hoping that this time around will be different.

At the same time, I want this time around to start now, not later. Alas, Honey is an equal partner in this game and he isn't to be swayed. I need to spend more time with Deb, Julie, Kate, and Jacqueline and their respective squishy little girls in the near future to hold me off. For a little while at least.

Cupcakes.

Right now I'm thiking about cupcakes.

Right now I'm craving cupcakes.

Right now I'm going to look at pictures of cupcakes and daydream about eating them.

I will most likely NOT consume a cupcake. (Did you notice I said most likely?) My waistline has been expanding as of late and I cannot continue to let that happen so I need to do things like eat more fruits and veggies and work out and avoid cupcakes and other cakey goodness. So right now I'm going to look at pictures of cupcakes.

Married Love.

While watching TV the following conversation just took place between Honey and I. (I should set the stage by telling you there was a commercial for Kay Jewelers on.)

Me: Are you expecting any love, affection, or merchandise for Valentine's Day?

Honey: (looks up from iPhone momentarily) You're not getting anything.

Me: (hysterical laughter)

Honey: Look at that awesome donut! (A D&D commercial had come on.)

Yup, this is my life, can't make this shit up.

Happy Valentine's Day Honey. I love you, in a non-merchandise-awesome-donut kinda way.

Snow Day!

It's snowing right now. It was supposed to start snowing around 7 this morning so Honey and I had no school. But the weathermen got it wrong and it didn't start snowing heavily until 2ish. Hee hee. I need to be honest and say that this makes me happy.

You see, our house has been germ infested the last two weeks. Lovey had a terrible cold, resulting in lots of vomit, and mucus, and tears (mine and hers). It was the first time in over a year that Lovey's grandfather (her 3-day a week caretaker) called me at work and told me to come home. She started to feel better, and Honey and I immediately started feeling sick. But it toughed it out because I'd taken a day off for Lovey so I went to work sick on Monday. BIG Mistake. Huge. By Tuesday AM I was so sick I could barely get out of bad to call out.

So, today was a gift. Honey, Lovey and I stayed home and were snuggling. Lovey got to dance with her parents as much as she wanted (which is 24/7 these days). She also got to show off her belly button (affectionately called "Ba" by her), which she also loves to do lately. Honey and I also got to take naps. Ah...

This is why I love snow days. They are forced relaxation. There are PLENTY of things I could've done today, especially before it started snowing in ernest. But I just relaxed. Ah...I love snow days.