On Kindergarten: a letter to Lovey

My sweet girl,

I'm not a baby book mom.  Sure I chronicled the first year of your life and your major milestones, but it wasn't over the top or scrap-booky, that's just not my style.  Daddy and I try our best to jot down the little moments of our days with you and Kitten so that we'll remember them, because the truth is no matter how much we think we will, without a written history we won't.  Which is why I feel compelled to mark the historical event that happened in your life yesterday with a letter to you.  To you it was exciting and fun, to me it seemed liked the end of the world and a whole new beginning all wrapped up in one.

Yesterday after returning home from our two days of family adventure in Boston I checked the mail and found the Kindergarten Orientation invitation.  And my heart stopped.  You were so excited you wanted me to read the whole thing to you, even the boring details about birth certificates and medical forms.  You started talking about getting to spend all day at school and ride the bus with your friends.  And my heart stopped a little more.

How did we get to this place so fast?  I joke with you all the time that I don't want you to grow up, you're getting so big.  Of course that's not true, but every once in a while I'd like to stop time right where we are because even the bad days are so good.  I love you and your sister so much that sometimes I think my heart will explode.  I look at you both and Daddy and know without a doubt I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  That letter is a reminder of just how far we've come but also where we're going.

You have grown a lot this past year.  Where once there was a baby who we were told might never learn to crawl (even after 6 months of PT) is now a girl who loves gymnastics and jumps high enough on the trampoline to make me wish we had higher ceilings.  Where once there was a shy girl who held onto me for dear life for the first hour of a party is now a girl who bounds into a party of mostly strangers and joins in the fun.  Where once there was the chubby cheeks and rounded belly of a baby there is now a long and lean body of a little girl.  It all goes so fast.

You are ready to take on Kindergarten.  I see you reading to your sister when you think no one is looking.  You say you can't read, that you don't know the words, but you do.  Your little mind works a million miles a minute and at least once a day you tell me an interesting fact that you learned, that I didn't know.   I can't wait to see all the amazing things you discover about the world and yourself when you start school full time. As educators Daddy and I couldn't be happier and prouder that you have a love of learning like we do.  We are blessed that you have had amazing teachers the past two years that have helped you nurture that gift.  You love sharing your learning with others too.  You get so excited when one of your classmates learns something new that had been a struggle. 

Even though you are ready for Kindergarten I was can't help feeling like you are on the cusp of the rest of your life.   Soon you will be five, and before we know it 10, 15, 20.  If I close my eyes I can see it all flash before me and then you're gone.  Off to live your own life, without me.  That will be my proudest moment as a mom.  That I held you up to grow into the beuatiful, confident, smart, caring woman I can see already. 

When you go a little piece of me will always go with you.  And so it begins with Kindergarten.  A little piece of my heart breaks now and with every step towards independence you take so that when you are ready to go your own way, there is enough of me that goes with you.  Go my sweet angel.  Whether I am ready or not.  I will be with you every step of the way.  And with each step my heart will stop a little more.